Content Warning: Group discussion about memoir writing that includes childhood sexual abuse. This is a difficult topic of discussion, but one that some affected individuals choose to write about as a way to heal and move forward. MWG volunteers guided the conversation and made efforts to ensure everyone was both heard and comfortable.
Each Rants and Ramblings session is unique, with participants offering topics of interest for discussion. With a full slate of participants at the March 7 R&R, moderated by Susan Rocan, with Lori Gaudet and Katherine Westwood assisting, a serious topic dominated the steady flow of comments and perspectives.
That topic was pedophilia. The first participant to speak was working on a memoir about some childhood experiences that included sexual abuse and incest, and her question was clear and complex: What should you share or not share, and how deep should a writer go with such a delicate subject?
The resulting discussion was robust and non-stop. As it turned out, at least four of the event’s participants had experienced similar trauma in their families. Their sagas told of having to engage extraordinary types of therapy to overcome the lingering effects of their abuse to attempt to normalize basic human sexuality in the face of years of relationship challenges.
But as often happens in R&R sessions, out of this cauldron of stories came some highly insightful and helpful suggestions. One participant offered, “If it isn’t making you uncomfortable to write, then it probably isn’t working for the reader”. Another person added, “Be prepared to cry through the whole thing. It was impossible for me to write about these experiences and not suffer the emotions I went through, and which your readers will also go through when you are finished.”
Several references were offered as examples that writers could use as a guide, including Lessons from a Nude Man and The Unraveling by Donna Besel, Educated by Tara Westover, The Millennium Trilogy by Stieg Larsson, and Lesbiana’s Guide to Catholic School by Sonora Reyes. Each of these books delves into sensitive human relations issues and provide insights into how other authors have managed writing about those issues in their own ways.
A question arose about publishing a manuscript with such difficult content. Resources suggested include the Association of Manitoba Book Publishers (AMBP) and Griots Lounge Publishing which handles publications of fiction, nonfiction and poetry by minority Canadian writers.
One participant mentioned that the MWG Code of Conduct was instrumental in their decision to join the Guild. Susan and Katherine explained how important it is that members feel comfortable and safe at Guild events; the Code of Conduct was developed to ensure a balance between providing strict guidelines for Guild members without compromising creativity when discussing sensitive subjects. That balance was in evidence during this session.
For me the event was both heartbreaking and heartwarming in equal quantities, and helpful to participants looking for guidance in writing about delicate subjects. It also made me realize how unique each R&R session is and how much I would have missed if I hadn’t attended this session. Some of what I learned will stick with me for a good long time.